01.03.05 (10:27 am) [edit]
Our team ran thru last season undefeated. Even though the boys should be playing in the U 11 bracket this year, their coach moved them up to U12 in an attempt to challenge them. They met that challenge by running thru this season undefeated, against boys who were on most cases at least a head taller and a year faster then they are. Some of their games were such blow-outs that the coach would place restrictions on them like "no shooting on goal with your right foot" this when the score of the game was 10 - 0 in our favor at halftime. We traveled along way this weekend to find competition. We found that competition, and although all 3 of our coaching staff and all the parents agreed we needed the challenge, they didn't all handle it as one would hope.
Our coach send a letter of reminder to all of us this morning. And here is the response I sent to him.
Coach,
This is a novel that might be best read not at work due to length.
The expectation of this weekend was to be challenged for a change and in that you did wonderfully. I saw the weekend as a huge success. I think we saw at region cup last year the same effect when faced with competition after a long run of being victorious that happened this weekend, except this time the boys stepped up to the challenge instead of buckling under it. A positive achievement. Walking away with every game you play is not the way to develop, which I think is the reason we all commit to doing this every weekend of the year. Or at least the reason we should be doing it.
What I was reminded of this weekend is that it is very tough to mix business and family and expect to have it go smoothly. The word family meaning our soccer family, after 3 years we have certainly become one.
Everyone brings their own unique character to this family which is what makes such a great dynamic. Just as is the case with the team having 3 coaches. Coach Jane is the nurturing mother figure to soothe the bumps and lumps when needed, Coach Bob is the tough demanding "Quit whining and play" one, and you being the positive reinforcement constructive balance to it all. I think the boys benefit from each of you in a different way as I am sure they respond to you all in a different way. As a parent, I know this first hand as I too respond to each of you in a different way.
"Where is she going with this?" you ask.
All that to say this. Immediately after the 5:30 pm Oldsmar game, my kids father was approached by coach Bob and spoken to about Our son. The jest of the conversation was that Our Son did not play up to what is "expected" of him, therefore he sat the bench when his team needed him and the game was lost. And that "HE" needs to talk to his son. These thoughts were also said to be coming from you.
At some point I am going to share my thoughts on this happening with Coach Bob as I am sharing them with you now, but this weekend was NOT the right time. For a few obvious reasons lol
As Our Sons mom, I am very aware of his ability on the soccer field. When he is on his game it is something just short of spectacular. I am also aware that attached to that ability is an inexperienced boy who is learning the ropes in a grown up atmosphere. I am smart enough to know, just as you are, within the first 5 minutes of a game or less whether he is "on" or not. Not only do I watch the game, but I pay attention to what is said to him during the game, his behavior on the sidelines and especially his attitude. I do this in an attempt to support you after the game, in a sense reinforcing the lessons you teach. With him I am focused more on helping him mentally handle things, not so much his physical game. Being that is where he seems to struggle the most. I have seen improvements. Without even having heard the conversation, my ride home conversation with Our Son was based on his not digging deep and doing what HE knows he is capable of.
None of us enjoy criticism in general and when it is directed at our kids, well that isn't easy to swallow either. I totally agreed that Our Son needed to be on the bench that second game. He was exhausted from the 60 minutes on the field just 90 minutes prior in a very intense game. He also knows why he was sitting. I did not hear the entire conversation between My sons father and Bob. I became involved when my kids father asked my advise on how to deal with it. Not so much what to do about it as how to handle the feelings that it prompted within him.
We all share giant expectations for our kids, that is our job as parents. We push them to achieve the best at all they do. When our kids don't meet those expectations, whose fault is that? The kids for not meeting them? Or maybe ours, for setting our sights so high? I take a deep breath and remind myself of this often. Much like you, I focus on the positive achievements, the lesson learned and the improvements since last time and how to help for next time.
The moral of this story is that it isn't usually the message, but the way that message is presented. My advise to my kids father was just that. Weed thru the way you receive the words and focus on the message itself. Each of us respond differently to different messengers.
Thank you for the lessons learned and for pushing us to be the best we can be.
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