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Almost 1 year ago today I posted this at my Spark home.  Amazing how a year has passed, I still feel these words with every molecule of my being yet I have done nothing to change...until now. I have come to realize that no amount of time can pass to soothe my aching heart. From the day of her diagnosis until this very moment I can not think about my Momma without tears. The overwhelming sadness continually threatens to drown my existence.  I know I have to find a way to push through my days. I know that I have to dig deep and live. I just seem to have forgotten how.  I haven't been here in a very long time. Below is a comment I left 13 days after my Momma found her peace...and 18 months after I lost mine.  ** This page belongs to my beautiful Momma who lost her battle with cancer on Sept 15th 2012. I look back at her blogs here and realize the problems she was having with running were directly related to her un-diagnosis disease.  It seems like only ...

My willpower is as weak as my heart.  I know that in order to strengthen one, I must strengthen the other.  This has not been an easy pill to swallow lately. Truth:  Every night for as many nights as I can remember I lie in bed before falling asleep making empty promises to myself .  Promises that tomorrow I will be strong. Tomorrow I will be in control. Tomorrow is a new day and will be the first day of my recovery from a life of self inflicted damage. These promises used to center around smoking.  I had seen the damage it did to the ones I love.  I had the knowledge to know I was hammering nails into my own coffin.  I spent the best part of 10 years trying to slay that dragon.  Oh, I was eventually successful, but not without years of failed attempts. I recently discovered that I have a heart disease.  Although my heart is physically free of any abnormalities/damage...for some unknown reason it will start fluttering at an uncountable ...

Every day is a good day, but days that I get to giggle with my sissy are better than others.  I truly hate that I can't just jump in my car and go have lunch with her.  Talking on the phone is fine, but it is no substitute for face time.  For now, it will have to do.  Next sissy adventure in about 6 weeks.  Unless that lottery thing pans out before then. It's summertime. And damn is it HOT!  Heat advisory every day this week.  I can literally hear my A/C unit moaning outside trying to keep up with the thermostat. Current temp was 97, but the feels like temp is 108.  Seriously!  I have yet to get to the beach.  I am a bit worried about my current ability to sustain the heat for the length of time I am usually there.  The heat, or should I say my body trying to fight against the heat, seems to rev up my ticker.  Not such a good thing these days. I will not let that stop me though, I need some sand between my toes for real. ...